Sometimes It's Hard

To go to work.

Knowing that I would so rather have her working with Ton than me.

Feeling guilty because it should be her. Not me.

Seeing her half completed time card with her signature.

Always coming across old notes and 'to-do' lists.

Thinking of the last time I saw her. That Friday before I left to California. At Tonya's seventeenth birthday party that she planned and put together. Right there in that house.

Reliving the time that I called Pheobe and told her of the news, starting with "There was a terrible accident. . . " and not able to complete the sentence without falling apart.

Seeing Tonya's pain from losing a best friend.

And those times that she comes up in conversation, because she's always on our minds.

And that's just at the Blackham's. . .

I miss my fourth sister.
And my two best friends (Holly and Tonya)'s best friend.