Awkward, Part One


"I told everyone. I hope you don't mind."
"I don't", I tell her (her, who I saw at Wal-Mart an hour earlier, while picking up my prescription)

I lied a little bit.
Mostly because when I walked into class, every eye was on me and I received at least five smiles and five 'how are you feeling?'s.

I love attention
, I thought to myself as we discussed my shingles , shrinking in my seat, hoping to disappear.

First, we talked about how Dr. Read's mom had it, and five people in my class's grandmothers and grandfathers had it. (Nate told me that I look really young for being sixty. I agree)
Then, during break, everyone asked where it was and what it felt like. How fun, I thought, sarcastically to myself, rubbing under my chest, realizing that everyone was looking at my braless breast, and then feeling the need to explain to everyone that I don't wear bras anymore.
Finally, we were writing poems. Write down 11 ideas, Sylvia said. Naturally, five of my eleven were things like itching, calamine lotion, doctors, etc. Of course I got a laugh when sharing ideas,
I said itching.

Yes, I have shingles.

And, it's oh so fun.

Awkward, Part Two


No bra, again. Jacket (to hide my bra-less chest). Keens. Light, thin, light green capris.

During our break, I went to the restroom (as usual) and realized something

it's that time of the month . . .

Let me remind you, this does not go well with light, thin, light green capris who, unfortunately, didn't hide anything.

Feeling the need to explain the reason why I am checking out my butt in the mirror as Jenny walks in, I explain my situation.

What a great week for you, she says.
I laugh in agreement

Awkward, Part Three

Today, After Break

Everyone in class gets to present their science inquiry project, Dr. Lott explains.

So, the entire rest of the class, I am debating whether to wear my jacket to cover my chest or my pants.

The pants won.

At least there are only two boys in my class.
And one is married.

Everyone else understands, right?

Awkward, Part Four


I am throwing all rules of etiquette and decency out the window this week.

Hope you don't mind.

If not, you can avoid me.


Chess said...

Hahaha! One of the best posts ever! So funny. Awkward moments are what make life great!

Katie Lane said...

you're boobs will be all saggy from not wearing a bra......just kidding.

Eric G said...


Larry said...

Awkward-Part South Africa

Lauren Elizabeth said...

dad, you're so funny. i forgot to laugh. like i have the last 117 times you've said that joke.